Bart's Blackboard Statements

            SEASON 1

1. I will not waste chalk.
2. I will not skateboard in the halls.
3. I will not burp in class.
4. I will not instigate revolution.
5. I will not draw naked ladies in class.
6. I did not see Elvis.
7. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
8. Garlic gum is not funny.
9. They are laughing at me, not with me.
10. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
    
    SEASON 2
     
11. I will not encourage others to fly.
12. Tar is not a plaything.
13. I will not Xerox my butt.
14. I will not trade pants with others.
15. I am not a 32 year old woman.
16. I will not do that thing with my tongue.
17. I will not drive the principal's car.
18. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
19. I will not sell school property.
20. I will not cut corners.
    "   "   "   "      "
21. I will not get very far with this attitude.
22. I will not make flatulent noises in class.
23. I will not belch the National Anthem.
24. I will not sell land in Florida.
25. I will not grease the monkey bars.
26. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
27. I will not do anything bad ever again.
28. I will not show off.
29. I will not sleep through my education.
    
    SEASON 3
     
30. I am not a dentist
31. Spitwads are not free speech
32. Nobody likes sunburn slappers
33. High explosives and school don't mix
34. I will not squeak chalk
35. I will finish what I star
36. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
37. I will not fake rabies
38. Underwear should be worn on the inside
39. The Christmas Pageant does not stink
40. I will not torment the emotionally frail
41. I will not carve gods
42. I will not spank others
43. I will not aim for the head
44. I will not barf unless I'm sick
45. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
46. I will not conduct my own fire drills
47. Funny noises are not funny
48. I will not spin the turtle
49. I will not snap bras
50. I will not fake seizures
    
    SEASON 4
     
51. This punishment is not boring and pointless
52. My name is not Dr. Death
53. I will not defame New Orleans
54. I will not prescribe medication
55. I will not bury the new kid
56. I will not teach others to fly
57. I will not bring sheep to class
58. A burp is not an answer
59. Teacher is not a leper
60. Coffee is not for kids
61. I will not eat things for money
62. I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
63. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
64. I will not call the principal "spud head"
65. Goldfish don't bounce
66. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
67. No one is interested in my underpants
68. I will not sell miracle cures
69. I will return the seeing-eye dog
70. I do not have diplomatic immunity
71. I will not charge admission to the bathroom
    
    SEASON 5
     
72. I will never win an Emmy
73. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
74. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
75. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
76. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
77. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
78. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
79. I am not deliciously saucy
80. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
81. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
82. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
83. There are plenty of businesses like show business
84. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
85. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
    
    SEASON 6
     
86. Beans are neither fruit nor musical
87. I will not use abbrev.
88. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
89. I will not send lard through the mail
90. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
91. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
92. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
93. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
94. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
95. I will not strut around like I own the place
96. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
97. I do not have power of attorney over first graders
98. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
99. The first amendment does not cover burping
100. This is not a clue... or is it?
     
     SEASON 7
      
101. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
102. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
103. No one wants to hear from my armpits
104. I am not a lean mean spitting machine
105. The boys room is not a water park
106. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
107. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
108. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
109. I am not certified to remove asbestos
110. 
     
     SEASON 8
      
111. I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
112. I am not my long lost twin
113. The truth is not out there
114. I am not licensed to do anything
115. I will not hide the teachers prozac
116. A fire drill does not demand a fire
     
     SEASON 9
      
117. I did not invent Irish dancing
118. Silly string is not a nasal spray
119. I will not tease fatty
120. I no longer want my MTV
121. I am not the new Dalai Lama
122. Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol related
123. I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
124. There was no Roman God named "Fartacus"
125. My butt does not deserve a website
126. Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
127. Shooting paint balls is not an art form
128. Pain is not the cleanser
129. I will not demand what I'm worth
130. I was not told to do this
     
     SEASON 10
      
131. I will not file frivolous lawsuits
132. Butt.butt is not my e-mail address
133. No one cares what my definition of "is" is
134. I will not scream for ice cream
135. I am not a licensed hairstylist
136. "The President did it" is not an excuse
137. My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
138. Sherri does not "got back"
139. I will not do the dirty bird
140. No one wants to hear about my sciatica
141. Hillbillies are people too
142. Grammar is not a time of waste
143. It does not suck to be you
144. I cannot absolve sins
145. A trained ape could not teach gym
146. Loose teeth don't need my help
147. I have neither been there nor done that
148. I'm so very tired
149. SEASON 11
      
150. Fridays are not "pants optional"
151. Port is not a verb
152. I am not the last Don
153. I did not win the Nobel fart prize
154. I won't not use no double negatives 
155. I can't see dead people
156. I will not sell my kidney on E-bay
157. I will not create art from dung
158. I will stop phoning it in
159. Class clown is not a paid position
160. Substitute teachers are not scabs
161. My suspension was not "mutual"
162. A belch is not an oral report
163. Dodgeball stops at the gym door
164. "Non-flammable" is not a challenge
165. I was not touched "there" by an angel
166. I am not here on a fartball scholarship
167. I will not dance on anyone's grave
168. I cannot hire a substitute teacher
169. I will not obey the voices in my head
     
     SEASON 12
      
170. I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs
171. I will not surprise the incontinent
172. I am not the acting President
173. I was not the sixth Beatle
174. I will only provide a urine sample when asked
175. The nurse is not dealing
176. Science class should not end in tragedy
177. Network TV is not dead
178. I will not "let the dogs out"
179. I will not hide the teachers medication
180. I will not publish the Principal's credit report
181. The hamster did not have "A full life"
182. I will not buy a Presidential pardon
183. "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
184. I will not scare the Vice President
185. I will not flush evidence
186. Fire is not the cleanser
187. Genetics is the an excuse
188. Today is not Mothra's day
189. I should not be twenty-one by now
     
     SEASON 13


190. Nobody reads these anymore
191. A burp in a jar is not a science project
192. Fun does not have a size
193. I am not Charlie Brown on acid
194. I do not have a cereal named after me
195. I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
196. The giving tree is not a chump
197. Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
198. Vampire is not a career choice
199. I will never lie about being canceled again
     
     SEASON 14
      
200. Fish do not like coffee
201. Milhouse did not test Cootie positive
202. The school does not need a "regime change"
203. Spongebob is not a contraceptive
204. I will not (Bart then smashes the blackboard)
205. My pen is not a booger launcher
206. Sandwiches should not contain sand
     
     SEASON 15
      
207. Over forty & single is not funny
208. I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
     
     SEASON 16
      
209. Poking a dead raccoon is not research
210. Beer in a milk carton is not milk
211. A booger is not a bookmark
     
     SEASON 17


212. Does any kid still do this anymore?
213. I am not smarter than the President
214. Teacher was not dumped--it was mutual
215. I will not eat things for money
216. I will not flip the classroom upside down (the scene is upside down)
217. I will not leak the plot of the movie
218. Je Ne Parle Pas Français
219. Have a great summer, everyone
     
     SEASON 18


220.  
221.  
222.  
223.  
224. I will not mess with the opening credits
225. I will not fake my way through life
226. I will not bribe Principal Skinner
227. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
228. I will not hang donuts on my person
229. I will not dissect things unless instructed
230. I will remember to take my medication
231. I will only do this once a year
232. Nerve gas is not a toy
233. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
234. It's potato, not potatoe
235. Hamsters cannot fly
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